You’re probably reading this because you have an interest in improving some aspect of your life.
The good news is that there are many simple things that you can do to improve your experience of life. To begin, I’d like to ask: ‘Who or what is going to have the biggest effect on your future life?’
Many of us would say our partner, our children, mortgage, housing market or the government. Others might say that it’s the trials and tribulations of everyday life or the inconsiderate driver who cuts you up on the way to work, the queue in the supermarket on Saturday afternoons, or the fact that someone let you down with a delivery.
All of these examples pass responsibility for our mood, thoughts and experience of life to other people or external factors over which we have no direct control. From this standpoint, we live our lives reactively moving from one crisis to another, waiting patiently for the day when these external ‘diversions’ settle down. When that day dawns, we tell ourselves, then finally we’ll win and be in control and be able to change it all.
Operating in this way brings us extra attention, or gives us something to have a good old moan about. By far the biggest ‘benefit’ of this attitude is that it ensures that there’s always somebody else to blame – and that feels good.
In sharp contrast, there is a different way of operating that, if we choose to, allows us to exercise better control over our lives.
It involves totally accepting personal responsibility for the life we are living. After all, if we’re going to give up blaming everybody else, does that mean we have to take the blame ourselves? Not at all. The ultimate way for most of us to begin making significant and enduring improvements to our lives is to abandon the concept of ‘blame’ completely, and in its place to embrace the concept of ‘responsibility’. Where appointing ‘blame’ depends on us making often damning judgements, accepting ‘responsibility’ requires us to have a mature grasp of the realities of life.
Overcoming procrastination can seem like a never ending battle. Would it surprise you to find out that the reason it’s a struggle is perhaps that you are focusing on just getting things done? Procrastination is just a label put on putting things off, but it often masks a range of ‘blocks’ that stop you from taking the right action.
Remember, just because you engage in a specific behaviour it does not make you that behaviour. Obvious? Maybe not. Ask yourself, how exactly are you procrastinating? What could be blocking you?
It is worth checking internal and external factors such as the weather and economic climate and separating the real from the imaginary. Do you have a clear outcome in mind? Do you have all the resources and skills needed to complete this? If all is in place and you are still dragging your feet, could it be that you actually don’t want this outcome?
One of the most common reasons for inaction is not being clear on what or why you want it. Check in with yourself, be still and ask if you do? If you don’t come up with a compelling reason then there is no wonder that you don’t action it.
Then there are subtle fears that sneak in. When you think about taking action, do you get agitated? Does your heart race? If so, you need to do something about this. What are you really scared of? Do a risk assessment – how likely is this? What would be the real consequences of your fears happening? If you can, get perspective on it and you may find that your fears melt away. Ask yourself where will the anxiety be 15 minutes after successfully completing the task? Do you deserve this? If you think not, get some help to explore the beliefs you hold. Where did they come from? Questioning to this end reveals so much. The blocks dissolve and you feel just great about yourself. For those of you who are reading this before getting your stuff done, it’s now time to get it done.
So what exactly does taking personal responsibility mean? It boils down to recognising that ultimately the only absolute control we have in our lives is over how we choose to react to what happens to us. It is in these moments between stimulus and response that we as humans can exercise a choice.
Do we react consciously and thoughtfully, to bring us closer to the result we seek? Or, do we react subconsciously and as our prior conditioning programs us to – excusing ourselves along the way with one of our favourite platitudes: ‘I can’t help it! That’s just me! It’s how I am! I can’t do anything about it! I can’t change it!’
In reality, of course, there are very few ‘givens’ in this life to which we are truly tied. People overcome and change things about their lives all the time, sometimes simply by changing their attitude.
The lives we are living today are a direct consequence of the decisions and choices we have made up to this point. Once we accept this fundamental truth, we will begin to see that it’s in our moments of decision or indecision that we create our own particular experience of life.
Choosing to take responsibility for our own lives and creating the future we want is an amazingly empowering experience. We no longer feel the need to control everyone else. We actually have control and responsibility over three things, but only three things – our own thoughts, our own feelings, and our own behaviour. Trying to control any more than this is futile.
Accepting responsibility for anything more than this is misguided. So if all we need to do is be in control of ourselves – and most of us emerge into adulthood with reasonable skills in this area – then we are already equipped with all the basic tools we need to build the lives we want.
If you feel ready to make a start, you could begin with the following
*As already outlined, the first essential step is to truly decide to accept total responsibility for our own life and commit to this decision. You must be ready to be proactive in creating the life you want and to recognise that you have the power to choose how you react to any situation.
*To help consolidate this new way of thinking and make it habitual, practice recognising when others around you are not taking full responsibility for their own lives, and more importantly, when you yourself are not taking full responsibility for yours!
My question to you, then, is: ‘Are you prepared to take responsibility for your own life?’ The choice is yours, but, always remember, if you don’t run your own life, someone else will.
To me, the heart of this message is this: ultimately the only absolute control we have in our lives is over how we choose to react to what happens to us.
*Picture: Cliff Le Clercq
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