Trapped in a violent home
Tuesday 12th May 2009, 3:00PM BST.
Marilyn Mornington
THERE are fears that some victims of domestic violence are keeping their suffering quiet because they rely on their partner for housing qualifications.
The chairman of a UK agency aimed at tackling violence in the home said that the Island’s unique housing system could be preventing people from complaining.
At the launch yesterday of a two-day international domestic violence conference in Jersey, UK judge Marilyn Mornington said: ‘What do you do when the man committing abuse is a qualified Jersey resident and the woman is not?
Does she get told to leave, even though she is a victim? When you live on the same Island, who gets rehoused? Will it be the victim or the perpetrator? When a couple are from Portugal or from Poland, what do you do with them?’
Ms Mornington is chairman of the Raising the Standards Group responsible for holding the conference at the Royal Jersey Showground, and is also a district judge who specialises in domestic violence. She said Jersey agencies were doing their best, but that it was not always a viable alternative for victims to leave their home.
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that’s utter rubbish – there is such a thing as hardship qualifications given in these circumstances and almost everybody who wants qualifications knows about it. There’s an old saying – hit me once fool on you, hit me twice fool on me…
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So true, I know a few people in this situation
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Lula its not ‘utter rubbish’… Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence?… It simply not black and white as you suggest. I was in that situation some years ago when I did not have housing qualifications and was told by the Housing Department in so many words to ‘go home’ after asking for help.
The help and support that the Woman’s Refuge had done for me turned my and that of my children life around. If the State were to work together with the Woman’s Refuge when it comes to the issue of helping women or men to leave an abusive situation perhaps the pattern of violence may stop.
So I think it one big step in the right direction
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I was a victim of domestic violence when married to my (now ex-husband) and had only been with him for 9 and a half years when he hit me when he was sober. Foolishly I had stayed with him for the previous years as I loved him and believed he loved me, and he only ever hit me when he had a drink, so forgiveness became my middle name. When I finally plucked up the courage to leave him, I was attacked and had to involve the police. I still refused to press charges, I was frightened of what he would do to me if I did. The police then said that I would be best leaving the marital home which we both co-owned – I had nowhere to go, and as much as I had my quals through marriage, I could not rent anything in my own name – regardless of the fact that I had a police report and so was forced to flat share with a person who had quals, and that was hard after owning my own house. Therefore I fully understand and sympathise with anyone in this situation – I have been there, worn the t-shirt, but eventually binned it for a smart jacket! I now have quals in my own right after serving my time!
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Cue more weeping and wailing about housing qualifications. THey know about the situation before they got here, not my fault. But I am having to pay for rent rebate etc
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NO NO NO,It goes,hit me once,shame on you,Hit me twice,shame on me,.get it right;;But yes,if a male hits you once;he will hit you again.
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The qualifications problem adds some added pressure to these women, but who in the mainland can afford to go rent or buy a house to get away from domestic violence? Most people (Jersey or UK) have to make use of the good will of friends if they want to get out of a violent relationship. For the victims that I’ve met, having to share a place, even with a stranger, was heaven compared to being with their partner.
I don’t agree exactly with Lula but I do believe that you come here (as I have) knowing that this is the situation regarding qualifications, and I don’t believe that such situations automatically mean the qualifications rules should be changed.
Also, of the victims I’ve got to know, only in a handful of cases had there not been any violence prior to the marriage. Only in 2 cases was there no indication of any kind that the man could turn violent. Unfortunately some people will go through with the marriage just to get their quallies, how would such people get weeded out?
I don’t have my qualifications, and if I had any indication whatsoever that my man might turn violent I wouldn’t marry him. If I did marry him knowing that he was violent I would accept the quallies situation as it was when I eventually left him.
I’m not insensitive to the fact that there is a real problem that needs fixed, but I don’t believe altering the qualifications system will necessarily fix it.
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Forget about housing qualifications for a minute, on average, a woman is assaulted at least 30 times by a partner before leaving him.
We must also remember that it is not just women who are victims of domestic violence. Men can be victims too. And if children are in the home, then the emotional impact it can have on them, whether they are witness to it or not can be very damaging.
The work that the different agencies around the island do to support all victims of domestic violence must be commended. Well done to the organisers of this conference.
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My mother was hit once by her partner and she left and was awarded hardship qualifications – hense why i had to wait 10 years to get my full qualifications. My mother is a strong person and was fully prepared to leave jersey with us in tow because she will not be bullied by anyone let alone a man who gets his kicks from hitting people (and children!). The women’s refuge helped us but most of the issue here is women thinking their partner loves them and then making excuses for their behaviour. Also it’s not just women that get beaten up by their partners – what about the men?
In short there is already a legal system in place and depending on your circumstances and how you will be contributing to the island as a whole will determine whether you get awarded qualifications.
As for Katie – no i haven;t been a victim of domestic violence – two men have hit me in my short 22 years on this planet – and i left both of them (not before giving them a punch back) It meant me moving back in with my parents and having to build my home all over again but thanks to my mothers example i know what you should do if you are unhappy in a relationship. To those women who have suffered then why don’t you think about how it looks to your children? That should give you the motivation to leave your partner if nothing else
if
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Surely the best thing is to get proper education. If someone hits you that is not acceptable. Doesn’t matter if they only hit you when they’ve had a drink, if they really want to change then they won’t drink, if they continue to drink then clearly they are quite happy hitting you.
We need to be properly educating people that ANY sign of aggression you walk!
And I have been there when a partner lifted his hand and before it was fully raised I had turned and started walking. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s essential.
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The problem here is that there is 2 many rambos in the island.Specialy whend drunk,any excuse even the smallest is a reason to b violent against women or men.
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