From Jamie Barker.
OUR elected officials get a fair bit of stick but on the question of making cycling helmets compulsory I must say I am four square behind them.

I am, of course, talking about the latest and best attempt to rid our beautiful Island of those damn bicycles that plague the place. I was slightly concerned that recently there weren’t as many letters published in your fine publication calling for number plates to be fitted to bicycles. I guess that idea was a bit too stupid to be even believable and I feared that perhaps we’d come to tolerate the blasted things.

I shouldn’t have worried. Make wearing helmets compulsory! Chapeau! I love it! It’s so deliciously obvious and it’s almost even plausible, I mean, it’s like we’re doing them a favour.
Now Johnny Two-Wheels will think twice before hopping on his Devil Whizzo to go to the shops for whatever it is those people buy.

And you know how they ride to the shops, all on the pavement and jumping red lights and doing wheelies and ending up in hospital and killing pedestrians or themselves and swearing and costing us money and … and … oh, I am so angry.

Thank our lucky stars there are people in a position to do something about these important issues.

Let us not rest until the only pedals pressed by legs on our fair isle are the accelerator and brake ones in our BMWs.

And while I’m here, if somebody out there would do something about those flipping idiots who walk around on their legs, crossing roads all smug with their special pedestrian crossings, paid for no doubt with my money, then I would definitely be first in line to sign a petition … or maybe make it compulsory for them to wear elbow and knee pads.