ORIGINALLY named Boulevard Baudins, Victoria Avenue was christened after the Queen’s Jamboree in 1897 and subsequently renamed after that skinny Beckham woman in 1998.

In days gone bah a train ran from St Aubin to West Park; abandoned after one too many cyclists got mown down on the tracks, its ghost can still be seen draggin’ half-empty cars of miserable looking tourists along the seafront to the sound of hideous spectral music.

Originally laid down as a handy alternative to gettin’ ones feet, goods and hosses wet during the swim across from St Aubin’s to St Helier, the Avenue is now mostly used as a showground for the countless four-bah-fours and sports cars to be found crawlin’ along it at peak tarms of day.

Congestion has become such a problem that the States are currently in negotiation with an Irish firm regardin’ plans to create a separate lane fer these particular vehicles by pushing back the sea via a combination of bollards and strategically placed sandbags.

Proudly referred to by the locals as the Island’s only ‘duel carriageway’, the Avenue often lives up to its name with countless teenage drivers ‘duelling’ it out to see who can be first to smash their parents’ Fiesta into one of the many lampposts alluringly placed along the central reservation.

The Avenue is also the venue for a host of local events including the annual Battle of Flowers, the Speed Camera Medley and the Rush Hour Tractor Crawl (current record holder being Toots le Fleur of St Lawrence with a respectable three hours and ten, the sod.)

Under no circumstances is the Avenue to be confused with the Five Mile Road, which is better.

See Wednesday’s JEP for the Get Out entertainment guide.