Been said a few tarms thet we’re a little too lenient on our offenders over yer, what with all them Paystations ‘n Plasmo televisions they got up La Moye. It wasn’t always lark thet though, back in the day.

Get yerself on the wrong sard of the law ’n they’d simply lob you over a cliff until you was dead, pull the flush ’n walk away.

Down you went, screamin’ ruddy murder no doubt (but admirin’ the view as you went, lovely as it is rand Anne Port), all the way to the bottom where you’d splat lark an egg ’cross the rocks ’n thet was thet; justice served. Only real problems occurred with the occasional smart-arse managin’ to somehow miss the bottom and come up smilin’. Geoffrey, fer instance. Says yer in this book ah borrowed, Jersey’s Daftest Buggers, thet he was one o’ them thet survived the fall.

Doesn’t say how he did it, only thet the onlookers who watched ’is cunnin’ stunt were none too pleased (though you’d a thought thet at least some of ‘em would ‘ave made a few bob bah sendin’ the vidjo in to thet You’ve Been Framed thing).

In any case, it says yer thet before any of ’em could make up their marnd as to whether or not Geoffrey should be let go or re-lobbed the silly sod took it upon ’imself to leap from the rock again, this tarm to ’is death. Chances are his second leap was occasioned by ’im catchin’ a glimpse of some change thet slipped from ’is pocket on the first tarm dahn, but he ended up dead all the same. Known ever since as the Legend of Geoffrey’s Leap; most probably a load of old tosh.

• Hedley’s new tune Recessionary Beancrock Blues can be heard at www.myspace.com/hedleylemaistre and the accompanying video is to found on his Youtube channel.