It was thet Jack Lemmon bloke and his band the Beatles what said that ‘the best things in larf are free’ and bless mah wrinkled caullies if he wasn’t bang on.

Not only does this fair arland of ars throw up some of the narsest potatoes yer ever larkly to boil, but ar shorelarns are littered with all sorts of shellfish goodies just waitin’ to be scooped up and devoured.

Tek ormers, fer instance. Or not, dependin’ on the situation. Yer only allowed to gather them at low tard and for cryin’ aht lahd don’t pick the baby ones or you’ll hev fisheries on yer bek.

At least it’s better than it was a few years bek when you was only allowed to gather ’em when there was an ‘R’ in the month. (Bah crie thet used to cause some confusion up in the village, especially around Jurne and Jurlah). Not sure what the deal is nah. Best check with them Fisherie what-nots or else you’ll be pickin’ ormers up in the showers at La Moye.

Once you get yer ormers home it’s best to give ’em a good beatin’ and then lob ’em in a cassoulet or just serve with gravy ’n stuff. Ruddy delicacy, let me tell yer. Lark hevin’ one of God’s pet snails set loose all over yer tongue. Check out thet Shawn Ranking’s Ormer Tart what he done on MasterCook. Think they’re sellin it in the General Market. Somewhere.

Ever the ecologolists, Jersey folks traditionally use the shiny ormer shells as decorations for their houses, cars and 4x4s. If we hed a national army then you can bet thet their suits of armour would be made out of ormer shells too. Great big suits of ormer armour and flailin’ maces made of vraic and oversarze spuds. Perfect fer topplin’ the Donkey. Bring it on.