We got a funny old relationship with Her Majesty thet dates all the way beck to 1204 when her great great grandfather King John went and gave back Normandy to the French.

Nah we coulda gone with ‘em but somehah the thought of frog’s legs, hairy armpits and phlegm was less appealin’ than that WallyOaks programme they got on the tele so we desarded to stick with Liz and the family instead, and have done ever since.

Not thet she does much yer, marnd. You’ll rarely see her at the castle or the harbour, despart the fact that they’re both named after her, though given the proximity of both to the St Helier Waterfront who can blame her?

No,the royal presence on the arland comes in the form of the Lieutenant Governer thet Andrew Ridgway chap, who does a farn job keepin’ an eye on the quality of the arland’s champagne and keepin’ the marquee industry alarve. (He’s also in charge of the British Bobsleigh team and can often be seen rocketing to work along the cycle track in a one man luge.)

To be honest ah preferred old Ridgway when he sung with thet Michael George fella; ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go Go’ is always a favourite at family funerals though ah guess it would be ‘Wake One Up’ with the Queen, not that ah suppose he gets to see her much these days, what with flights bein’ so expensive ‘n all.

As for what happens when Her Madge snuffs it … not sure what we’ll do. We got no monuments to the future King as yet so perhaps we can name the next block of apartments after him. Or how’s abaht the King Charles Incinerator? Not sure he’d approve what with him being an environmentalist and all. The King Charles Sand Dunes? Err … no. The Millennium King Charles Park? Hmm. Bit tricky, this.