WE ain’t got one. And a ruddy shame thet is cos ah betcha there’s thasands of students aht there on the mainland what would love to come and spend a few years rollin’ rahnd on our beaches and drinkin’ up all our beer.

Would make larf a hell of lot easier for our youngsters too, not havin’ to be continually forkin’ aht astronomical travel fees (and thet’s just on taxis to the airport) ’n’ livin aht of a suitcase the whole tarm.

Of course some people argue thet it’s necessary fer ar youngsters to get off the arland and see a bit more of the world but with Guernsey so close and the Discovery Channel nah in HD ah really don’t see what they’re on abaht. Seems to me lark the University of Jersey would be a goer, especially when you consider all the dosh it would bring in from the students and their parents when they came a visitin’.

Sure they got some narse degree courses up at thet Har-lands place but whar not expand a little, ask Dandara to let us convert some of their luxury flats into the Halls of Residence on which they were originally modelled, see if we can’t attract Johnny Foreigner to come study Women Poets of St Mary (1990-99), Road Resurfacin’ fer Beginners, Town Plannin’ fer Dummies etc. You name it; there’s loadsa courses we could run!

Of course you’d need a few professors and what-not to teach all this but ah’m sure they could be persuaded to quit their tatty offices in the UK and spend a few yers over yer on the rock.

Failin thet we must have some clever buggers over yer what could handle it; just give me a chance to finish me Masters degree on the ‘Role of the Jersey Royal in Eighteenth Century German Metaphysics’ (or so it says on this leaflet yer) and ah’m all yours…