EXHIBITIONS like the Jersey Evening Post’s Homelife have been popular ever since the consumer boom banished the years of post-war austerity and rationing.

Such events are great days out for the family, as they offer just about everything anyone of any age could ever want by bringing together an eclectic bunch of exhibitors to promote their wares, with the added distractions of free entertainment, food and drink and plenty of freebies to take home.

Aimed mainly at the home – with labour-saving gadgets, DIY improvements and the usual novelty items like ‘magic’ mops – ideal home shows have evolved over the years to encompass garden makeovers, pools and saunas and the latest must-have home entertainment systems.

So where, I have been asking myself, do Scrutiny panels fit in? As times are tough and our beloved politicians are making do with a paltry £800 extra a year, have these under-utilised backbenchers decided to indulge in some moonlighting activities?

The mind boggles at the possibilities. Perhaps Scrutiny members could do a deal with a kitchen firm, so that when you buy a top-of-the-range fitted kitchen with polished granite work surfaces and an Italian marble floor, you get a free panel for a year.

The composition of the panel could come in choices depending on expertise – waste management, say, or energy consumption – and gender according to the householder’s preferences, though ladies should note that due to the composition of the House, the panel is more likely to be male-dominated. Their purpose would be offer counsel whenever husband or wives or partners were in need of third-party advice.

The free panel could live in or out, with time off to deal with States or constituency business, but with the proviso that unless such matters were of national importance, the first duty would always be to the householder.

THIS would certainly be a better use of their time than blowing up balloons at Fort Regent, as certain members of Scrutiny were seen to do the weekend before last – that is when they weren’t giving out free pencils and key rings.

Who on earth came up with the idea to produce Scrutiny free gifts? And, old stock or not, how much taxpayers’ money has been spent on such frivolities?
I may stand to be corrected by some obscure excuse that the balloons were part of an important Waste Scrutiny function to track the likely course of emissions from the new incinerator, but I very much doubt it.

Or were the balloons an indication of another lucrative sideline: children’s party entertainment? I can see it now, Scrutiny members dressed as clowns sculpting strange-looking animals out of balloons, or surrounded by eager youngsters as they perform amazing magic tricks like sawing the Chief Minister in half. The mind boggles.

I hope that having spent our money on a stand at the Homelife Show, Scrutiny used the time to engage with the public, to discuss the important matters of the day and to discover what Islanders think. Surely the cash would have been better spent on arranging regular surgeries around the Island in parish halls or by engaging with large organisations such as the WI or the Senior Citizens Association, rather than setting up camp for a few days among UK market traders, lifestyle gurus and purveyors of designer coffins and miracle cleaning cloths.

It was, nonetheless, heartening to hear that this could be Scrutiny’s last presence at the show and that members were also considering saving £19,000 a year by scrapping their newsletter. Apart from the pampered birds in the Turkey Farm – and over-paid public employees – has anyone on this rock ever read Scrutiny Matters from cover to cover?

As is the case with all unsolicited mail that drops through Island letterboxes, it gets binned or recycled. The role of Scrutiny is important but it does not warrant the production of consumer gift tat or a glossy magazine. Others with similar publications – commercial and public information – please take note.

TAKING part in the Homelife Sow did not just come back to haunt poor old Scrutiny – it also showed the honorary police in a comical light. Here was the body of Islanders who admirably give up their time in all conditions – fair or foul and at times dangerous – to police the country parishes or undertake an essential public service for nothing more than the knowledge that they are selfishly serving the community.

Notwithstanding their good intentions, this part-time police force can’t be trusted to hand out pencils.

These were not any old pencils, but potentially lethal weapons which could be used to stab out eyes and cause harm to children. I ask you. Generations of children all over the world have for centuries been given free rein with sharp pencils, not to mention crayons, and are also equipped with sharpeners to keep them as pointy as possible.

Sadly, the innocent pleasure of sharpening a pencil – and seeing how long the shaving gets before it breaks – has been labelled life-threatening by the Elf’n’Safety killjoys. Consequently, in the interest of public safety a dedicated St Lawrence Vingtenier spent an entire afternoon grinding the ends of the honorary police pencils blunt to render them harmless.

What makes a ludicrous situation even more bizarre was that Scrutiny happily gave out their branded pointy pencils for the duration of the show without one reported injury to person or balloon.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you couldn’t make it up!